All posts by Doug Joseph

See a rich-text bio page (with pics) at: https://www.dougjoseph.net/about/ Doug and LaDonna Joseph recently celebrated 25 wonderful years of marriage, and they have four awesome kids. Rev. Joseph is an ordained minister in the United Pentecostal Church International (since 2003), and pastor of Christian Apostolic Church (since 2002). In 2004, the Josephs led CAC to establish Apostolic Christian Academy (K-12 Christian school). Rev. Joseph served on the board of directors of the WV Missions Department (part of the North American Missions Division), as secretary-treasurer from 2004-2012 and as director/chairman from 2012-2013. His term as director was shortened due to having been elected in 2013 to serve as a district presbyter (for Section 1, WV UPCI), but not before he led the district to an all-time record missions offering in the 2012 “Christmas For Christ” annual fund drive. Previously, Rev. Joseph was creative director for the North American Missions Division (formerly known as General Home Missions Division), at the United Pentecostal Church International headquarters in St. Louis, MO, where the Josephs were blessed by the friendship and mentorship of Rev. and Mrs. Jack & Elsy Cunningham. Rev. Joseph helped launch the UPCI’s national Men’s Ministry, and was editor for the Apostolic Man magazine. He oversaw the creation of Ready To Be Free, a sweeping evangelism thrust. Before that, the Josephs served on pastoral staff of North Charleston Apostolic Church (WV), blessed by the leadership of Pastor Billy & Shirley Cole. LaDonna Joseph is a great wife and mom. She is CAC’s first lady, general secretary, school principal, and minister of music. She has served on the board of directors of WV UPCI’s Ladies Ministry. She has also served as the pianist for WV’s All-State Choir. The Josephs helped the Coles to publish their memoirs, entitled “The Life and Ministry of Billy and Shirley Cole” (available at www.amazon.com and www.BillyColeBook.com). Rev. Joseph is also author of “New Immortal” (2009/2013), “Tesseract” (2010/2013), “The Last Bye” (2011/2013), and coauthor of “The Book of Salvation” (2010). All are available wherever great books are sold, including amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, and authorstock.com. LaDonna is a native of West Virginia. Doug hails from Shreveport, LA, and is an adopted, honorary West Virginian. Pastor Joseph’s blog is at dougjoseph.net.
General

McD’s Bad Drive-Through Experience

Me: I would like a #6 meal.

McD: [murmuring, nearly silent]
McD: …

Me: I can barely hear you.

McD: [Speaking up, more volume]
McD: What kind of kids meal would you like?

Me: No, you misheard me. I would like a Number, Six, Meal, and I do want the Swiss cheese.

McD: [Rings me up a #6, hold everything except the cheese.]
McD: [Rings me up a sweet tea, which I did not order.]

Me: No, I did not tell you to take everything off the sandwich. I said I like the Swiss cheese.

McD: [Clears the screen]
McD: [Rings me up a #6, hold the cheese.]
McD: [Rings me up a sweet tea, which, again, I did not order.]

Me: No, I did not tell you to hold the cheese. I said I want the cheese. I like Swiss cheese. We’re having some trouble communicating. Can you understand me?

McD: [Getting snippy. Replies with a bad attitude.]
McD: Yes…. Sir.

McD: [Clears the screen]
McD: [Rings me up a #6.]
McD: [Rings me up a sweet tea, which, again, I did not order.]

Me: You have rung up a sweet tea that I did not order.

McD: [Clears the screen]
McD: [Rings me up a #6, special note on the cheese.]
McD: [Long pause….]

Me: Let me know when you’re ready.

McD: [Asks the following question begrudgingly, as though too lazy to ask, and frustrated to have to ask…]
McD: What would you like to drink?

Me: Mr. Pibb or Dr. Pepper. 

McD: [Rings me up the correct drink.]
McD: [Asks the following question with a smarmy tone]
McD: Is the screen correct?

Me: Yes. Thank you.

…So then I drive up, pay, move up, get the food, and check the bag. Looks OK. I drive away. Then I open the package to eat, and there is no cheese on my sandwich.

I turn around and drive back. I park and walk in. Stepping up to an abandoned service counter, I call to the nearest employees standing on the far side of the restaurant, “Excuse me.”

No luck.

“Excuse me.”

No reply.

“Excuse me!”

Finally, a drive-through delivery girl starts saying, “Oh, he wants to talk to someone!” while another asks me if there is a problem.

I reply that I had asked three times for Swiss cheese, and I have a sandwich outside with no cheese on it. “Can someone get me some Swiss cheese, please?”

Employees start scurrying away, while the drive-through delivery girl seemingly decides it’s not her problem.

I thought one of them might have gone to get me some Swiss cheese. No dice.

Apparently none of the employees wanted to talk to me or help me, so someone among them had gone to fetch the manager.

Out comes the manager, with an employee in tow. I asked the employee behind her, “Is no one helping me yet?”

No answer from the employee.

“What seems to be the problem?” asks the manager.

I was explaining, when she stopped me to ask what kind of sandwich.

I thought, “What does it matter? I just want a slice of Swiss cheese that I paid for!” However, I told her it was a club.

Then she wanted to know whether it was crispy or grilled.

Sigh. “Crispy.”

She walked away. I thought, “Well, maybe I will get a slice of Swiss cheese.”

I waited.

Finally, she came back with a whole sandwich, saying this one has cheese.

At that point, I just kind of gave up, said, “Thank you,” and took the sandwich.

It did have Swiss cheese on it.

This was perhaps the most annoying drive-through experience I’ve ever had. Some may say it’s not worth the trouble. I am tempted to agree, but, “Oh, the power of cheese!” Did I mention that I like the Swiss cheese?

Church

Press release (5/3/2011) — For immediate release:

Press release (5/3/2011) — For immediate release:

Pastor Doug Joseph and the saints of Christian Apostolic Church, in Clarksburg, WV cordially invite you to a special celebration commemorating the assembly’s 40th anniversary. On May 20, 21, & 22, 2011, specials services will be held Friday at 7:30pm, Saturday at 6:00pm, and Sunday at 10:00am and 6:00pm. Special guests will include the Honorable Margaret Bailey, Mayor of Clarksburg; the Honorable Jim Hunt and the Honorable Patsy Trecost, members of the Clarksburg City Council; Rev. Terry Null, former Pastor of CAC, and Rev. Jerry *Samouce of Clayton, NC, will bring your Bible to life by demonstrating biblical artifact restoration & reconstruction techniques before your eyes, complete with a live bronze-pouring demonstration. These 3,000 year old artifacts of biblical archeology will be displayed and explained with profound lessons that apply directly to every Christian’s life. Come see, hear about, and touch your biblical heritage. A map and driving directions to the church are available on the church’s website, at www.cac.us.com — or contact the church by email, info@cac.us.com — or by phone, at 304-624-4459.

For radio announcements: *Samouce is pronounced “suh-moose”

Questions?
Pastor Doug Joseph
pastor@cac.us.com
Cell: 304-629-1196

Books, Fiction, Reviews

ForeWord Reviews: ‘Tesseract’ Novel by WV UPCI Pastor

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Tesseract by Doug Joseph was recently reviewed by ForeWord Reviews, a service trusted by librarians and booksellers. Their positive review follows:

FICTION/CHRISTIAN

Tesseract: Book Two of the Millennial Teleport Trilogy
Doug Joseph
AuthorStock
Softcover $15.95 (175pp)
9781456437442

Doug Joseph’s sequel to New Immortal is an inventive representation of Pentecostal theology that will delight young adult readers. Combining other-worldly time travel with divine revelation, Tesseract shows that great rewards await those who serve God. This book caters to both faith and the imagination, taking salvation into the future and into the stars.

Author Doug Joseph believes that “pride can use intelligence as a ploy,” luring the gifted to sin. When Tess, who begins college at fourteen, loses her parents in a car accident, her beloved childhood friend, Daniel, guides her to faith. Rightly recognizing “her fallen nature” and “the sin curse within her,” she makes the “right choice” to serve God. After marrying Daniel, she earns her Masters of Science degree, but leaves school upon realizing that “neo-darwinism” is “a godless theory of abiogenesis” that undermines the doctrine of Intelligent Design.

The Corlan, who live on a planet called Sset, are a race rewarded with immortality for never committing original sin. Parents pass genetically encoded memories to their newborns through touch. Straf, the smartest Corlan of all time, succumbs to willful pride and is driven mad by his arrogance. Unlike Tess, who uses her gifts to serve God, Straf rejects God’s will and becomes the Ettosedondi of ancient prophecy who is fated to introduce sin and death on Sset.

When Straf’s son is born, he decides to withhold the memories from his newborn child and abducts him. Deprived of both his mother’s milk and the parental touch he needs to gain his memories, the child becomes the first Corlan ever to die. His father, horrified at what he has done, compounds his sin by committing suicide.

Meanwhile, Daniel and Tess struggle to solve the mystery of sin within their religious community, as God “sifts” the congregation to retain only the truly faithful. When the New Millennium arrives, Daniel and Tess become immortal. Near the end of the Millennial Kingdom Age, God reveals to Tess that she and Daniel will take part in saving the Corlan species from extinction during their downward spiral into depravity and cannibalism.

This novel integrates prophecy, miracles, and “meaningful coincidences” to demonstrate God’s enduring presence in the hearts of the faithful. Tess and Straf represent two routes that are available to all conscious beings: to use their abilities to serve God or to deny Him.

Doug Joseph has also written The Life and Ministry of Billy and Shirley Cole and The Book of Salvation.

Elizabeth Breau

ForeWord Reviews
http://www.forewordreviews.com/reviews/tesseract/

Poetry, Technology

Mt. Technology

Back then, technology was a mountain,
     and the young boy thought he could climb it.
And he wanted to.

Back then, his brain was sharp,
     and his brainstorms awesome.
And he had ideas.

Back then, the Internet was unheard of,
     and games beckoned to be created.
And longing peaked.

Then forces beyond his control arose
     and turned his brave new world upside down.
And still he tried.

Then the “how” kept changing, and growing ever harder,
     and his ideas were not enough.
And still he tried.

So now, his brain is dull,
     and his brainstorms are played out.
And he’s out of steam.

So now, his ideas are gone,
     and his hopes are faded and dark.
And he’s giving up.

So now, technology is a mountain,
     but the old man knows he cannot climb it.
And he doesn’t want to.

He sits with a phone that’s a computer,
     and a camera, and a DVR, and a PDA.
And he tries to make a call.

The microwaves have cooked his brain,
     and he cannot work the thing.
And still he tries.

A young boy tries to help him, saying,
     “Here, let me show you.”
But the cancer is too far spread.

The young boy sees technology as a mountain,
     and he knows he can climb it.
And he wants to.

One can tell his brain is sharp,
     and his brainstorms awesome.
And he has ideas.

—Doug Joseph
January 17, 2011

General

Why I Switched From ASP to PHP, Instead of to ASP.NET

I cut my teeth (in web dev) on the Active Server Page (ASP) methodology (a proprietary Microsoft technology) by way of the Visual Basic language. So, why am I now choosing the “hard” path of learning a whole other language and slowly porting all my web apps over to PHP, instead of “growing” on into ASP.NET? Two reasons. First, because it is significantly easier to learn and use PHP than it is to try to learn all the new weirdness of ASP.NET. Second, I am offended (on principle) at a company that decided it can force those using its old technology to move “up” to its new technology by breaking their existing apps and then taking remote debugging info away from them, instead of wooing its users with enticements. Those who cut their teeth on ASP.NET have no clue what I am talking about, and die-hard ASP/.NET fans will surely think I am idiot. They are welcome. This is my path, and they need not walk it.

General

Needing a last minute gift? The new book is in!

Tonight at church, Pastor Doug Joseph will have copies of the first two books of the “Millennial Teleport Trilogy” — Get either book for $10. Get both for $18 (save $2).

Book One: New Immortal

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Book Two: Tesseract

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General

Could God have done that?

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What might await us in the endless future beyond the Millennial Kingdom age? Past the great white throne on Judgment Day? Could God have created  many different peoples on other worlds? Might He have created other universes or inhabited dimensions entirely disconnected from this one?

This book posits its answer to those questions as a concluded fact that is not debated (within the book, at least). However, I studied and personally debated such questions before writing the book.

Consider that, according to the Holy Scriptures, God is perfect and has not ever changed in His fundamental nature or character. Indeed, He cannot ever change, for it would be a departure from perfection, and such would be against His own self revelation to us (it would be a deviation from what He has declared in His word). Since God does not change, then what is the fundamental nature or character from which He never departs? Is His basic nature that of a lazy being who is not very creative, who naturally tends to sit in total inactivity, creating nothing?

Look around. Countless life forms abound on this world alone. Modern science has not even discovered all of them yet. No, lazy and uncreative is not who He is. His creativity is boundless.

So, why did Moses, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, write that God “rested” on the seventh day after His having worked for six days to create all that we see around us? Scholars with linguistic skill have pointed out that the Hebrew context, and the word for “rest” shown there, give a connotation of Him having completed the work to perfection. He first envisioned what He wanted to do, and then, once He was done, He stopped working simply because it was perfect.

Bear in mind that the utter lack of perfection in the sin-cursed world we now inhabit is all due to the sin of humankind (of which the first sins were committed by Adam and Eve in the Garden that was eastward in Eden). God rested not because He was lazy, tired, or was basically a non-working, non-creative being. No, He stopped because the job was done. It does not mean He stopped all creative work elsewhere. If he simply stopped all creating (as a permanent cessation), then the massive burst of creating that caused this universe (and all the life we see here) would have represented a colossal departure from His character and nature.

God created this world as a perfect place which could have been enjoyed for eternity. Were it not for human sin, which “messed up” the place, no more work from God would have been needed here. He is now at work fixing it. Yet that does not even hint that He could not have, or would not have, continued to create elsewhere. He has to have done more. It is His nature. This author cannot imagine a God so creative as to have given us this massive display of life… just sitting on His laurels for all eternity. Not only is He creative, but He also has made us as creative beings as well. Thus, authors such as C.S. Lewis and yours truly imagine other realms. Check out the “creation” in this novel. The liberated reader will love it. The “literary Taliban” (as Roy H. Williams once dubbed them) will no doubt send us out for the firing squad, as we’ve shown way too much creativity and had way too much fun. Which type of reader are you?

Order Tesseract: Paperback | Kindle
Daniel & Tess are childhood sweethearts who finally marry. Meanwhile, in another space-time, on an untainted world called Sset, the Corlan (a sinless race blessed with genetic memory) govern a paradise that has never felt the bitter sting of death. Back on sin-cursed Earth, Tess and Daniel are childless. Although they are well acquainted with pain and loss, their relationship is solid, and they live their life to the fullest in service to God and others. Fast forward over a thousand years into the future, when an unspeakable evil arises on Sset, devastating the moon world’s surface and decimating the Corlan population. Yet the Creator of both that universe and ours was not caught off guard. He’s had Daniel and Tess in mind for saving the Corlan species from extinction since before either realm was created. Although our world has had visitors from that one, this is the first time in history that it’s gone the other way. Teleport with Tess and Daniel to a place beyond time, space, and imagination. Tesseract will transform you in mind-stretching ways.

YA | Fiction, Christian, Futuristic | Science-Fiction | Adventure | Romance

General

New release: Tesseract

Note: Proceeds from book sales are going to help Renee Bargo get a new type of medical treatment. Thanks for your help! We have a precious family in our church here in Clarksburg, and the wife & mother in that family has a rare disease for which there has been no known treatment. They have now learned of an experimental treatment that is not covered by their insurance. She is currently raising money to make the long trip from here to Phoenix, and we are working to help her. Below are some details about this exciting, new release. 

Tesseract is part of the Millennial Teleport Trilogy (Book Two).

You can now order either installment (this one, or the first book, entitled New I.M.mortal) — or both — on either www.AuthorStock.com/tess or www.newimmortal.com. Each of those sites offers both books (they can be ordered together as a single purchase). Also, Amazon should have both the print version and Kindle version of the new book available any time now.

00_kindle_tesseract_cover

SUMMARY: Daniel & Tess are childhood sweethearts who finally marry. Meanwhile, in another space-time, on an untainted world called Sset, the Corlan (a sinless race blessed with genetic memory) govern a paradise that has never felt the bitter sting of death. Back on sin-cursed Earth, Tess and Daniel are childless. Although they are well acquainted with pain and loss, their relationship is solid, and they live their life to the fullest in service to God and others. Fast forward over a thousand years into the future, when an unspeakable evil arises on Sset, devastating the moon world’s surface and decimating the Corlan population. Yet the Creator of both that universe and ours was not caught off guard. He’s had Daniel and Tess in mind for saving the Corlan species from extinction since before either realm was created. Although our world has had visitors from that one, this is the first time in history that it’s gone the other way. Teleport with Tess and Daniel to a place beyond time, space, and imagination. Tesseract will transform you in mind-stretching ways.

For Young Adults and Up

Classifications: Fiction, Christian, Futuristic | Science-Fiction | Adventure | Romance

Below: Part of a panel of illustrations in the final book — artist rendition of the central part of the Corlan society, on the moon world of Sset. This image just happens to be the title page from the Kindle version of the book, due to appear on Amazon’s Kindle store just about any time now. All the illustrations are provided in both the print and Kindle versions.

01_kindle_title_page

General

Fixed: Firefox 3.6.8 will not open new window

For those who are using Firefox, and having trouble wherein new (additional) windows will not open, here was my fix:

The followings steps instantly fixed my problem. (This worked for me using Firefox 3.6.8 on a Win XP Pro system.)

1. Start Firefox.

2. Click Tools, then Add-ons

3. If you have more than one Java Console active, uninstall all but the latest one (highest version number).

(It is possible that “disable” would also work, but I chose to uninstall.)

Unrelated diatribe:

I am currently using two laptops. I am slowly leaving a Windows (XP Pro) laptop while transitioning to a Mac (OS X) laptop. I decided (upon principle) to not buy or upgrade to another Windows OS, and as this one slowly dies (first the ability to search my own hard drive went, and lately M$ Outlook won’t let me reply or compose new emails) I am moving to the Mac. However, the foregoing could be applicable no matter what OS you use.

General

New I.M.mortal: New lower price on Amazon!

My latest book, New I.M.mortal, had been selling on Amazon for $15.95. It’s now available from the trusted retail giant for a new lower price. Amazon now has it for only $9.95. Also, all my books are available for Kindle e-readers, at lower prices than their paperback counterparts.

New IMmortal
New IMmortal
December 5, 2009
5 out of 5 stars(4)
$9.95
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